


Hard to love

by ettothph



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: (in the second chapter though), Body Horror, Dreams, Feelings, Fluff, Gore, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Internal Conflict, Kinda, M/M, Nightmares, Psychological Horror, grima!robin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ettothph/pseuds/ettothph
Summary: It took 5 minutes for him to realise the people at the table were dead, and he left without another word, for they wouldn’t hear him anyway.
Relationships: Chrom/My Unit | Reflet | Robin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	1. There

Night brought cold and unease to the castle, and the halls filled with a deep, unsettling unknown in their darkness.

Robin staggered through the halls in a sleepless haze, having spent the better half of the entire day in the castle library, wasting away through books and information strung loosely together forming broken sentences and unintelligible information.

He didn’t mind, however. The world he found himself in was already confusing in and of itself, and information pieced together without scaffolding was bound to leave confusion in his head.

His feet shuffled on the stone floor as he shifted the books in his grip closer to his body and breathed out a long breath, gazing out of the windows in a lost sort of fashion.

Everyone would be asleep by that hour, he concluded, and made for the next left at the end of the hallway.

Reaching his door seemed something of an achievement to Robin, for both not fainting on his journey there and for having the reward of sweet rest ahead of him.

His bed welcomed him gladly as he shoved the small stack of books he was transporting under it and climbed in haphazardly, disgarding the thick clothes that donned his body.

Sleep pulled him into its sweet, loving embrace, and he was out like a candle.

The room was similar to that of a classroom, albeit the fact that it was seemingly empty and he was the only student sitting in it.

An ache in his back confirmed that this was supposedly not a dream despite the fact that Robin had certainly only gotten into his bed a few minutes prior.

The hallway was also empty, but built in a parallel way to the castle’s, and donned flickering candles every few paces from each other.

He continued down the hall, and curiously spied a figure being drawn on the wall at the end of it, despite no one being there and no drawing equipment being in sight.

Robin soon found that the figure being drawn was none other than his own self, and curiously enough, it copied every movement of his as if being something of a mirror.

He ducked into a nearby lit room, which was average in size, and housed a large table and chairs, with several people sitting in them, as well as various household items scattered against the walls.

The people saw him enter, but said nothing. It seemed they were in the middle of a talk when he entered, and yet they seemed expecting of his arrival.

“Does anyone know about the drawing at the end of the hallway?” Robin asked, throat thick with nervousness.

A girl answered: “you can’t talk about that here”.

The answer was short and simple, but was quite obviously either a threat or warning, and Robin was about to ask why when all assailants at the table put something in their mouths.

A few rested their foreheads against the hard wood, faces scrunched up as if they were in pain, one of these people included the girl that had answered, but she lifted her head as soon as everyone else’s head was laid upon the table.

“I didn’t fall asleep, I didn’t” she said, and left the room, leaving the others in their pain.

Robin stood in the silent room, the only sound faint footsteps echoing further and further down the halls.

It took 5 minutes for him to realise the people at the table were dead, and he left without another word, for they wouldn’t hear him anyway.

The hallway was still empty, and Robin pondered going back to where he arrived, but instead followed a sickly sweet smell the other way, which brought him to a pantry room.

Despite being empty of any other life, the candles were lit, signifying that someone else had entered recently.

The smell brought him to a bag of powder, which had the word “coco” written on the front which Robin presumed was a type of ingredient and the source of the sweet smell. He wasn’t going to leave it alone there, and picked up the bag, holding it carefully in his arms, which ached under its weight.

He turned and left the pantry, instead travelling through the darkness to a large communal-type area, where a few familiar faces could be seen: people like Maribelle and Frederick, people he wasn’t particularly close with, but knew, nonetheless.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by a dripping sound by his feet, and glanced down to see a puddle of red beneath him, the source of the liquids coming from his arms.

He set the bag aside on the ground and pulled his sleeves back to reveal deep, long gashes on each of his arms, blood oozing out of them and spreading as far as it could. It didn’t hurt, so Robin pulled his sleeves back up and picked up the bag again.

A door on the far side of the room opened and Robin made for it, leaving a trail of red behind him on his way.

Outside was about as dark as it was inside, and Robin could make out towering gates ahead. People flooded from inside onto the wet grass outside.

A shock of blue hair stood out among the others, and he easily identified Chrom in the crowd, and hurried over to him, burdened by the heavy weight of the “coco” bag.

Chrom turned to him, face scrunched up in confusion. It seemed Chrom was about as clueless as Robin in this situation.

“Did you fall asleep before coming here?” Robin asked, words leaving his mouth before he could prevent them.

“I don’t know” Chrom replied, face pale after noticing the dark red pool gathering under his friend, “I- I can’t remember”.

A pregnant pause came between them, and they shuffled uncomfortably in the darkness. Despite the cloudiness surrounding his head, Robin was nonetheless alert to sudden movement and sound, and flinched when the “coco” bag tore from the bottom.

In the darkness and within the red that already pooled on the floor swam more red taken form. Eyeballs and hearts and lungs and liver and a horrible, awful stench which assaulted both Chrom’s and Robin’s senses. Chrom gagged without even looking at the mess on the floor by Robin’s feet. Robin, however, simply glanced down before dropping the bag, relieved of the extra weight.

Chrom gazed upon Robin in fear, and took a hesitant step backwards. Robin met his eyes with his own, deep red like his arms and the floor and the horrific pile by his feet.

“You’re a monster” Chrom murmured, shuffling another foot back. Robin’s eyes filled with tears.

What was he doing? Why had the monstrosity of amalgamated organs by his boots elicited such a hunger from so very deep within himself? How in the world had he mistaken organs with “coco”? His mind was spinning in his uneasiness, vision becoming distorted by tears as the man in front of him ran for the building.

His hands raised to his head and dyed white to red in seconds. Everything hurt. He was a monster, wasn’t he?

That was when he realised: the large gates weren’t built to keep them protected, it was built as a pen for sheep, and he was the wolf.


	2. Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes” he responded albeit reluctantly after some tense few seconds, “I had a dream...”.
> 
> “Well, that’s never good” Chrom chuckled lightly before his face solidified into and expression of seriousness. “And what was this dream about, then?”.

“Chrom?” Robin spoke with unease, as if his words were blades upon his skin, ready to pierce despite his wishes. 

The hall was empty save a few servants traversing them in hopes of fulfilling their jobs before dinner that night. The sun was low in the sky, but not quite set yet. It’s rays penetrated the glass windows and filled the air around them with warmth. 

Chrom turned with a smile, his blue locks highlighted in the light and making him seem as something of an angel. Robin swallowed thickly and felt bile rise in the back of his throat. 

“Yes, Robin? Is anything the matter?” Chrom asked with deep concern in his voice. His eyebrows curved upwards in worry, and his gaze pierced Robin’s intently. 

It was just a dream, Robin repeated over and over in his head. Just a dream. 

He still needed some form of confirmation, though. He needed a yes or no. He needed an answer; something that, for once, could not be found in one of the old tomes of the castle library. 

“Can I... talk to you?” Robin glanced between the man in front of him and the floor, which had suddenly seemed to become a lot more interesting than before. He noticed his voice was a little higher in pitch than usual, and concluded it was due to his overwhelming anxiousness. 

But what for? For what reason was he so uneasy? All he craved was an answer. A simple answer. 

Chrom’s face of worry turned to one of confusion in a matter of seconds, and then into an incomprehensible expression. 

“I actually wanted to talk to you too. Let’s chat in my room.” Chrom responded, turning towards the direction of his room, with Robin following close behind. Their footsteps echoed in the halls yet filled the silence between them. 

Chrom wore a serene smile, and walked with confidence and elegance. It was quite contrasting to Robin’s own demeanour: tight lips, uninterested shuffle of his feet, the very definition of awkward. 

Through twists and turns, the pair finally arrived upon Chrom’s own chambers, and entered with few words being exchanged. The room was wide and spacious, with a balcony and a large bed, as well as a small weapons rack and dressers and wardrobes of the like. 

Chrom took a seat in one of the two chairs there, and beckoned Robin to sit as well, who did so with care. The seats faced a fire place, where small flames flickered and crackled and the scene made Robin think of a book he had once read. 

The silence managed to last 6 minutes and 39 seconds (Robin counted) before finally being broken. 

“So, you wanted to talk with me?” Chrom asked, eyes drifting from Robin to the fire and back again. The sudden pressure made Robin sink into the chair more, wishing for it to simply consume him and be done with it. 

“Yes” he responded albeit reluctantly after some tense few seconds, “I had a dream...”.

“Well, that’s never good” Chrom chuckled lightly before his face solidified into and expression of seriousness. “And what was this dream about, then?”.

Robin couldn’t exactly put it into words. Fake memories bled into reality and he struggled to grasp their meaning. Blinks of instances he could’ve sworn happened lost to his subconscious, he couldn’t fit the puzzle pieces together, so he asked what he determinedly wanted an answer for: 

“Chrom,” he started, swallowing bitterly before pressing on, “do you think I am a monster? Are you afraid of me, Chrom?”. 

Whatever question the man had been expecting, it certainly wasn’t this, and he flinched back into his seat. His eyes widened for a moment before turning soft as he looked upon Robin from where he was. 

“Robin, even if the world were ending, even if the battlefield had bloodied you black and red, if you were to do something horrific, you’re still Robin to me. You’d have your reasons. You have your own life to live, but as long as I breathe I will always accept you for who you are.” He responded after a short while of contemplation. 

Robin was rather taken aback. Chrom never spoke such wholeheartedly, as he was more of a “do”er than talker, and knowing he’d pieced all of this together for him made Robin’s solemn heart flutter ever so slightly. 

The fire crackled in the short silence. Tentatively, Chrom got up from his seat and began towards Robin. 

There was wet on his face, which he hadn’t even noticed was there until Chrom wiped them with his hand. His touch was soft and gentle. 

A sob racked itself from the back of Robin’s throat, and Chrom pulled him up and into a hug, where they stayed; Robin’s head on the young Exalt’s shoulder, between the rest of the world and the fireplace keeping them warm. 

They stayed that way for 10 minutes, Robin’s cries the only sound in the room other than the crackling of the fire. 

“No matter what, Robin”, Chrom pulled away, “I’ll always cherish you. You are my world.”.

“What was it?” Robin asked, stepping backwards after some time, hair ruffled and eyes red and puffy.

“What?” Chrom seemed genuinely confused.

“You said earlier that you wanted to talk to me too...” he trailed off, prompting Chrom to talk. 

He chuckled nervously, “well it’d kinda ruin the mood right now and um-“.

“Out with it” Robin cut him off, playful smile etched onto his face for the first time in a short while. 

“Well... I don’t really know how to say it... I mean you’re a really cool person, Robin, and I really like you. But I mean... more than just like you I mean I-“ and once more Chrom was cut off by his tactician.

It was as if the world stood still around them, as the sunset perfectly accented their silhouettes in its light and it was just them. Just them in this horrible, lovely world. His worries drifted away, and Robin lived in the moment without planning ahead for once.

“I like you too, Chrom”, Robin spoke, eyes down and hands fiddling, “and that’s why I was scared: because I didn’t want you to hate me. Because you mean so much to me, and you’re stupid and dumb and you need someone there for you and that someone is me and I love you for that...”.

When he looked back up, Chrom wore the most flustered, dumb and happy look he’d ever worn. Robin laughed at the sight, and Chrom leaned down, kissing him lightly and carefully.

And although darkness still plagued his mind, at least there was someone definitely with him now, and Robin wasn’t willing to give him up for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! I’ve not been feeling all too good these past few days so I’ve really struggled to find the inspiration to write. But alas, it is done! I’m not all too good with fluff and confessions, but I try. 
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for checking this work out! It’s a bit strange but, still, I hope you enjoyed reading!


End file.
